Who's the Bride and Who's the Groom?

 

Gay Marriage Quandary: Am I the Bride or Groom?  A question a few faced on forms in New york,  which was quickly sorted out.

On the first day that New York State allowed same-sex couples to start the process to get a marriage license this week, reports ABC,   Sandra Rodriguez-Diaz and her lesbian partner Miriam Soriano had to make an "awkward" choice on the application form: Who was the bride and who was the groom?

The ABC report continues Fredy H. Kaplan and Anthony Cipriano faced the same confusion filling out their personal information, according to a story in The New York Times -- until Kaplan declared to his partner of six years, "You're going to be the bride."

Clerks at city hall told baffled couples to wait until online application forms could be adjusted to accommodate same-sex couples, who captured the right to marry July 24 after New York joined five other states and the District of Columbia to legally sanction gay marriage.

As the right to marry gains momentum across the United States, same-sex couples are redefining the traditional roles of husband and wife, and bureaucrats are scrambling to keep pace with the social revolution.

"This kind of thing doesn't set well with [Mayor] Michael Bloomberg," said Richard Socarides, president of the national advocacy group Equality Matters and former advisor to President Bill Clinton on issues affecting gays and lesbians.

It only took Bloomberg -- one of the most vocal supporters of the gay marriage bill -- 24 hours to straighten out the mess, ordering the city clerk to update the online applications to rephrase the personal information categories to "Bride/Groom/Spouse A" and "Bride/Groom/Spouse B."

Courtesy of Cathy McElrath Renna

Cathy and Leah McElrath Renna were married in... View Full Size

Courtesy of Cathy McElrath Renna

Cathy and Leah McElrath Renna were married in a religious ceremony in 2003, but they will soon legally marry in New York.

 

"I think it's important not to try to put gay couples in traditional heterosexual married roles," said Socarides. "What we consider traditional roles of the husband and the wife, even in a heterosexual relationship, are certainly evolving into something different. Just like everything else, it happens much more quickly in the digital age."

But even as modern heterosexual couples are moving beyond stereotypes, cultural perceptions of gay couples -- one is assertive and masculine, the other more feminine and submissive -- still persist.

"This topic is always funny to me because we are a couple that juggles a business, a child and care-taking of a parent in our home," said Cathy McElrath Renna, 46, who owns a public relations agency with her lesbian partner. "People still make assumptions about me and Leah in terms of roles."

Read more  -  - ABC News